Justin & Britney 4 eva - no more?

Today smacking: Justin Timberlake

I may have to rescind my glowing praise of Justin Timberlake. Turns out, he’s an immature, dim-witted entitlement-monkey who is hellbent, apparently, on causing multiple heart failures within his PR army.

A good friend of mine, Roxanne, went to see him live in concert last week, and said at the outset that the show was so fantastic she was seriously intent on shelling out the big bucks for last-minute tickets so that I could go with her again the next night and see the final show.

But then, Roxanne said – lowering her voice an octave so that I thought for a minute I was going to hear the punchline of a really crappy campfire ghost story, and I almost had to sneak a quick look down my top to see that I wasn’t still 12 years old – three (and she held up her fingers illustratively: “Three!”) things happened that made her seriously question her love for JT, the whitey who was hitherto Bringing Sexy Back.


Thing the first:
This was a concert for all ages. As such JT and his choreographers and whatnot should keep in mind at all times that JT’s performance must be suitable for an audience of 14, 12, or even 10 or 8 years of age. So Roxanne – who is not a prude in the slightest, by the way – found it a touch inappropriate that JT’s dance moves were so sexual that at one stage he was realistically simulating doggie-style lovin’ with one of his backup dancers.

OK, I have to fess up here that in my opinion children should not be sheltered about sex seeing as it’s something they’re all going to grow up and do. So this is kind of a moot point for me and I don’t particularly care that JT did it. However in the current societal climate it is still taboo to Do Sex in front of the kiddies, so the fact that JT openly flouted this rule says something about his over-inflated sense of cultural importance and entitlement. Dude thinks he’s above the boundaries set by his younger fans’ parents, apparently.


Thing the second:
This one is all about cultural ignorance, and maybe it’s grounded in mine and Roxanne’s annoyance that Americans often are, and choose to remain, totally ignorant of the fact that other countries exist besides their own. At one point in the performance, one of the backup dancers started smoking a cigarette on stage. I assume this was included in the choreography in an effort to make the show more gritty and edgy, since JT himself has all the edge of the Michelin man covered in Astroglide whilst bathing in marshmallows. However (and it’s a big However), in this particular country it is TOTALLY FUCKING ILLEGAL to smoke in any contained public space or any premise which is a workplace. Nice one, JT; way to check out the local legislation and adhere.


Thing the third:
Oh, man, this is my favourite.

We all know that his latest (at the time of publication) single, What Goes Around Comes Around, is a not-particularly-disguised stab at Britney Spears. It clearly refers to her infidelity to him all those years ago, her failed relationship with Fed-Ex, her crappy life at present, and JT’s resultant schadenfreude (the fucker). So it’s not like Roxanne didn’t know who he was talking about when, at the end of performing What Goes Around Comes Around, the band started playing the music to Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy, and JT – whilst twirling his index finger at his temple indicating insanity – sang, “I think she’s craaaaazy!”

This hot on the heels of Britney’s recent head-shaving and in-and-out-of-rehab incidents.

So now, instead of looking like the free man-about-town following his breakup from the lovely Cameron Diaz, JT has painted himself into an uncannily brat-shaped corner. Because nothing says maturity like publicly implying your ex has a mental illness. Honestly, I can’t think of a better thing to do if you want to show 20,000 chicks (and all their gossipy friends the next day) that you’re a small-minded and bitter little snake with nary an adult cell in your body.

So in summation, brother is so not over Britney and needs to grow the fuck up. And also not be such a festering scab wound about the whole thing. And also? Where the hell am I going to find a man who is Bringing Sexy Back now?