Just like you boycotted Brokeback Mountain because of 'sheep cruelty issues'

Today smacking: Couched belief

So I bet we've all heard this one before:

“I’m not against gays – I swear I’m not! I just don’t agree with the lifestyle.”

Seems to make sense, doesn't it?

Yeah, right up until you give more than two seconds of thought to it. Fact is, if you don’t agree with the ‘lifestyle’, then yes, you are in fact against gay people and what it means to be gay. Deal with it.

The above buzz phrase is often used to espouse a not-entirely-PC viewpoint whilst at the same time excusing a not-entirely-PC viewpoint. Most people are aware that now more than ever there is a move towards acceptance of formerly taboo issues, including lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) issues. Consequently most people are aware that to openly oppose gay people and the gay ‘lifestyle’ (whatever that is) in public is considered, well, a bit off – especially here in Britain. So we come up with all these wishy-washy ways of essentially saying, “I don’t agree with homosexuality,” but not actually saying that, and coming off sounding all magnanimous towards Those Gays. Patronising, much? Sure, people who use the buzz phrase may not actively oppose gay people, but if they oppose what gay people do and everything that it is to be gay, how is that any different?

There’s no point maintaining a belief if you’re not going to be honest about it, even if it is unpopular. Next thing you know Christians will be saying that they think God, you know, doesn’t necessarily exist. The animal rights demonstrators I walked past on my lunch break will start explaining to me that maybe animals don’t have feelings or anything, and that nobody knows really, since they can’t talk to us, and how do we compare a cockroach to an elephant anyway, man? Without honest belief, Tom Cruise would actually sit on a couch and stay sat, and be all, “Actually, L. Ron Hubbard really might have just been taking the piss.”

OK, so maybe Cruise kind of negates my point, since few people would oppose to the man having his lips sewn shut with thread woven from concentrated cholera and depression, but anyway.

No-one likes a pocket-pisser who nods their head to a different speed depending on who they’re talking to. No-one likes a liar. No-one likes disingenuousness. If you don’t agree with what gay people do in their spare and not-so-spare time, then don’t say you don’t have a problem with it, because you damn well do. Stand up and be counted among the vocal homophobes, since underneath the belief is the same. Underneath it’s all the same xenophobia and hatred, and you might as well be honest about it.

That way when you run for government I’ll know who to spread gay orgy rumours about.