Paging Doctor Durr Hurr Hurr, Shoes On My Noes

Today smacking: A select few trainee and qualified doctors

Dear some of the trainee and qualified doctors I run across,

To paraphrase the immortal words of Dr Perry Cox, "How DO you put your bra and panties on in the morning?"

No, really. Because some of you are, quite inexplicably, fucking retards. It boggles the mind how, in the exam room, a special few of you managed to master the complex thought path needed to pick up a pencil and not snap it in half, let alone the logical and reasoning skills required to sort through the mazes that must be your exam papers, and all this before actually having the knowledge base to answer the questions, pass the exams and call yourself doctors.

Anyone who deals with doctors in settings outside of the clinical setting (to wit: conferences, training courses, etc.), will have come across those one who are life- and commonsense-incompetent dicks. Brilliant genius dicks maybe, but when you e-mail us asking what the ticks, crosses and colours mean on a very simple excel spreadsheet, or you ask us where a room is when the sign is right in front of you, or you completely fail to grasp how to fill in a simple form that a brain damaged monkey could correctly complete blindfolded, or you ask if your Scottish qualification will be valid in England (do you even know what ‘UK’ stands for?) or you ring us asking how to download an envelope (!?), I worry to my back teeth about your future patients.

Who the fuck handed out your degrees? How do you even stand up amongst your competent trainee doctor colleagues? And how dare you look down your noses at us, the people who are making your entire field of training possible?

Sick of your brain-dead, logically and socially inept fuckery,

An NHS employee.