Christians: giving the gift of cancer – but at least you’re not immoral

Today smacking: Christian fundamentalists

So last year there was an amount of hoo-ha in the news about the very real possibility of there being a cancer vaccine on the horizon. “Cancer vaccine?” I hear you ask, your brow at an impressive altitude upon your forehead. Well, effectively, yes; a drug has been developed that acts as a vaccine against the human papillomavirus (HPV) – also known as genital warts. Studies have shown that HPV is responsible for over 90% of cases of cervical cancer (see Wikipedia link, below). The HPV vaccination, if provided to girls before they become sexually active, can almost totally eliminate the chances of their ever developing cervical cancer. Pretty fucking cool, huh, considering cancer of the cervix is the worldwide second-most-common cancer in women.

Now, there’s this big idea that maybe the HPV vaccination could be added to the list of compulsory vaccines that USA schoolchildren are given. If girls are vaccinated against HPV at roughly age 6, when they assumedly are not yet sexually active (ahem, assumedly), then it follows they’re highly unlikely ever to develop cervical cancer. Yay! Right?

No, according to the religious right in the USA (excuse me while I shudder and spit), it is not Pretty Fucking Cool that we can stop women from contracting cervical cancer. They have vocally asserted that being able to avoid Sexually Transmitted Infections only encourages promiscuity and the idea that women can engage in any kind of sexual activity before marriage without consequences. (Apperently, rape doesn't exist in their world.) Because God forbid (literally) that the human race, in particular women, engage in any kind of fun without being punished. You see, some Christians see STIs and unplanned pregnancy as God’s way of punishing the lassies for being immoral whores. You have sex before marriage? That’s a sin. You deserve a big ol’ case of the warts, apparently. Oh, and a long, painful and humiliating death after the HPV leads to cervical cancer, you become unable ever to procreate, you lose all your hair through chemotherapy, and the Christian fundamentalist community spits on your grave.

Why they don’t think God can just get on with punishing us all for our sins by eternal damnation and hellfire the way he always has done is beyond me.

In summary, there is opposition from the Christian right to young girls being given a potentially life-saving vaccine that, let’s face it, they’re definitely going to need, since the US government also completely fails to teach its children about contraception, STIs, and any other emotional, social or otherwise consequences of having sex at any time, ever. So to prove my allegiance to the Christian right I have decided to sew up my vagina.

Oh, and in light of this fucking ridiculousness, I devised a quick script for a play I am going to submit for the local church’s Christmas pageant this year.


EXTERIOR - DAY
LITTLE GIRL and CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST DAD stand outside a primary school, watching young girls line up outside the medical bay for vaccination. THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT is ever-present.


LITTLE GIRL:
Daddy, why aren't I having this vaccination that all the other girls are having?

CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST DAD:
Because you don't need it, sweetie. You will be modest and pure and protect your honour, which means not playing with boys until you're married. Girls who play with boys before marriage are punished by God. It's not fair to escape God's punishment by getting that evil vaccine.

LITTLE GIRL:
But what is God's punishment, Daddy?

CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST DAD:
It's something called an STI, sweetie.

LITTLE GIRL:
What's an STI?

CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST DAD:
Oh, honey, I can't teach you about STIs. That would just encourage you to sin.

LITTLE GIRL:
But how do I fear the punishment if I don't know what it is I'm supposed to fear?

THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT (offstage):
Beats us!


END


For more information about the above, please check out the following:

Evangelicals And Some Creepy Guy Named Doctor Finger Try To Stifle Cancer Vaccine

The HPV vaccine at Wikipedia